O, this world's so cruel and mean
I'm-a gonna build me a guillotine
Nobody treats me like they should
I'm-a gonna make it out of wood

When you wouldn't be my girl
I knew I'd had enough of this world
I can't cry and i can't deal
The blade's a-gonna be stainless steel

What's the use of my diploma
I'd rather have a carcinoma
No one wants to give me a job
Soon I'll look like a friend of Ichabod's

I can't find work in my field
And I won't make crow my last meal
You say it's not as bad as that
But soon I won't be needing hats

The bank called to say I bounced a check
But there's dotted lines on my neck
I know for sure the pain will stop
When I hear that lonesome chop

CHORUS
I'm gonna build me a guillotine
And I won't get any older
Then I'll be free to disagree
When they say I've a good head on my shoulders

I'm gonna build me a guillotine
And get decapitated
You may say it's an old routine
But I say life is overrated

Find a hill take it to the top
Don the face of a clown
Depending on which way I stop
I'll be smiling or wearing a frown

There's tons of pluses to being dead
Whether or not you got a head
At the drive through you won't get screwed
Your girl wont leave you for a skateboard dude

Ladies you'll never feel unfresh
And I've three words... no John Tesh
But if you're afraid of a macabre and bleak end
Think of death as one long weekend

But before I go I've errands to run
Death ain't all games and fun
I gotta buy gifts for my friends with heads
For them to play with when I'm dead

Although I'll never hear their thanks
At least I'll screw Citibank
For even a man of wondrous talents
Can't be dead and pay the minimum balance

When they find my head in the weeds
That's all the satisfaction I need
Pick me up by the hair
And show me my carcass over there

CHORUS